Sit Silent

[utopianChaos]

Too much
Too soon
The whispers turned to echoes
And the dreams converge to one
Salt pouring on a wound
Healed but years before

'Sit silent,' she whispers
'They can't hurt you if you are silent'

And so i sat
Fear caught at my throat
By my throat
Movement lacking
Breathing shallow
Sinking into the floor
And the twitches begin

Wanting to scream
Her hand runs up my leg
Comforting
No
Intrusive, cold, wanting
Needing
Scream! but how
Wondering more
Her claws gentle
Twitched
The fear presses harder into my throat

'Sit silent,' she reassures
'They can't hurt you if you are silent'

Images of men surrond me
And her
Lush
Playful
Scorning
Too much
Too soon
Hold back the pleasure
So wrong

Needing to scream!
Twitching again
As the cold barrel of fear
Presses at my throat
And is cocked

'Sit silent,' she whispers
'They can't hurt you if you are silent'

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[This message has been edited by utopianChaos (edited October 13, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by utopianChaos (edited October 15, 2001).]

[honeyk]

wow. this was really good. it's a bit ambiguous, but on the superficial side, it is powerful and has a lot of impact. the actual point needs elaboration or clarification

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[La Luna Unita]

I agree. I think the repetition is very powerful, and the phrase used made me feel chilled a little.

I also found the verses a bit ambiguous. There was a lot of fear, but was there a hint of sexual tension?

If you want my advice, and you're totally welcome to grind it into the dirt if you don't, the only thing I would change is the phrase "salt pouring on a wound," which seemed a bit cliched to me. I have a feeling that with the other wonderful images in this poem, you could come up with something on your own that would have much more impact.

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Tyle: "What are we listening to?"
La Luna: "King Crimson."
Tyle: "Oh, duh, of course."

[utopianChaos]

thank you both very much, i agree with the salt line, and i pondered over having it in or not. but i'm looking to change it. As for it being ambiguous, that was the intent. It is taken as one wants to take it. Whether it be a male or female being violated. Or the cause around that occurance. It is totally up for interpretation. But the way it sends chills, and emitts some sort of fear along with the sexual undertone was it's purpose, so i'm thrilled. Although it needs some work


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utopianChaos